Sweet Dreams

I told someone about a desire I have that I keep close to my heart. Thankfully my trust was justified and she let me dream without criticism. That hasn't always been the case in my life.

While riding with a friend I was happily babbling about a horse property I'd found. It was more than I could afford so I was musing about boarding animals for other people. I have no horse experience, but I thought how hard could it be to rent space.

My friend started screaming how it was hard work and I shouldn't even consider it because I didn't know anything about horses. It wasn't even like she was trying to steer me away from the idea, I felt she was calling me stupid for even thinking it for a second. After a few minutes of stunned silence, I muttered that I wasn't planning on torturing horses.

We're no longer friends. I can't stay around people who crap on my dreams in the planning stages. Kind guidance and pointing out pitfalls can actually excite me. Then it's a feeling of you're taking me seriously. Just screaming "stupid idea" makes me think of YOU as MEAN.

Part of my idea involves contact with people who have disabilities. Though I may still work on this project, I kind of don't want to at the same time.

As a kid, I frequently got lumped into the group "handicapped." Now I am a realist, my vision gives me grief and I wouldn't want others to have it. If I could cure it and the cure had a good percent chance of working and wouldn't hurt me trying it, I'd do it.

So lumped into the group, I found there were nice people and there are not nice people with disabilities. Duh, groups of humans has every kind in it. Though, far more imperfect people have a "poor me" attitude than I like. That gets on my nerves.

I want to be around people who grab the world by the tail and go for it. I want to view the world and share my views and be admired and praised for that.

Perhaps I am not in control of the kind of people I will meet and just need to keep MY attitude and let other people have theirs. Now I feel a lot better. I am not in control so why lament that? Do what I can to encourage and admire others and not be the mean friend who finds fault with the lives of others.

Funny, I started this post with one thought and now I'm ending it with another.

Kind comments welcome.

Steam Heat

Controversy about a film doesn't automatically turn me off so when I heard "The Heat" had some objectionable scenes related to albinism I waited until I saw the film before commenting. Hollywood has a very bad track record with the portrayal of albinism and even constantly making off hand remarks about someone being so pale as to be "albino." It wears on you after a while.

Don't get me wrong, Hollywood screws up all kinds of things. Computers always make more noise and usually have way more blinky lights than in the real life. Just imagine what life would be like in a real ER with all those doctors screwing around, getting beat up and brain tumors? Okay, so I am not EXPECTING reality. I do expect some level of courtesy.

There are countless examples of albinism portrayed as bad, evil and villainous. Even when characters aren't identified as having albinism, the made up to look like us creates a climate of hostility. "Powder" was supposed to be a hero and martyr to his goodness, still, the whole mystic aspect created myths that set people with albinism apart.

I will only mention the film "Foul Play" for it's "albino" sharp shooter for the galling mockery of people with vision problems. "The Matrix" characters didn't seem to be called "albino," but I think that identifier was taken out. Whether it was out of concern, or maybe it just ended up on the cutting room floor. That does happen.

"The Heat" is a comedy about two female cops who end up working together. Sandra Bullock plays an ambitious FBI agent who gets sent to track down the leader of a drug ring in Boston. She meets up with Melissa McCarthy and together hey intimidate suspects and try to find the ring leader.

I like both these actresses but found neither of them funny in these roles. For me, it lacked all suspension of disbelief. Their back stories were devoid of depth or balance and they could have titled this Dumb and Dumbest as they bumbled through their police work.

Albinism came into play with a character as a DEA agent. Most people with albinism I know have poor eyesight. I know some have close to normal vision, but I've never heard of anyone having eyesight good enough to be in law enforcement. McCarthy's character berates the DEA agent for his pale skin and they exchange insults. It's all very grade school.

What bothers me most is the knowledge that someone knew of the controversy of characters with albinism and purposefully threw it on our face. Earlier in the movie Bullock's character channel surfs past both "Foul Play" and "The Matrix" scenes with characters who look like they had albinism. Sometimes doing something like this could be what they call "foreshadowing." Taking a seemingly random event earlier in a film to show some insight into future events. It's a nice technique when used as an enlightening purpose. In this case, it only served to show either the director or the writer, to be an even bigger asshole than their insulting characters.

Defamation and exploitation serves only to support a culture of bullying. I ask for balance. Treat all people as humans. We all have flaws, bad days or times we're rude for no reason. Fine. Show more happy healthy courageous people in whatever light they shine.

Avoid "The Heat" for it's lack of decent plot, poor character development and boring lack luster physical comedy. Even though the whole post is about albinism in film, that aspect of this film comes fairly far down on my list of dislikes. Stop it, it's not cool to create harassing environments for people. Not cool, Hollywood, very not cool.

Resurces on albinism in film. This is only a partial list:
http://albinism.org/popcult/film.htm
Internet Move Data Base to "The Heat":
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2404463/?ref_=nv_sr_1
National Organization for Albinism and Hypopigmentation 
http://www.albinism.org/

Faith

I'm a science geek. I love thinking of things in terms of experiences, experimentation and evidence. This brought me to the conclusion that I doubt the existence of god as practiced in most religious faiths.

Though I haven't spent extensive time studying all tenants of major faiths, my casual examination leads me to atheism. I would adjust my thinking should a reliable source confirm a god like higher power.

I do see many things greater than myself. Things like group think, the ocean and nature in general leave me in awe of their great power. I find social connection to be amazing and it's my belief that biological connection may be behind intriguing studies on the power of prayer.

I'd like to single out the Christian faith for a few events that pushed me more toward atheism. Mainly because I have more contact with Christians.

I grew up loosely associated with the Mormon faith. My youth made it all seem so silly when it wasn't down right crazy. It didn't help that the crazy Mormon lady I lived with disobeyed the faith by drinking Coca Cola. She taught me that even though she demanded rigorous adherence to her ridiculous standards, she couldn't live up to her own set of values.

Later in high school, my friends talked some about their faith and I felt a little left out. Like there was something powerful in their connection to a power greater than themselves. I wondered what I was missing. I am afraid of "the faithful" because of the abuse I suffered.

I do respect other people who choose an organized faith path. So long as they let me alone to believe as I choose.

Still later, at holiday time, I often felt hypocritical because I didn't believe in the faith aspect. I heard another atheist speak of it being a social time of connection and gift giving. I felt a lot better after that. Though I do see some of the rushing around and worry a bit too much stress. I try and stay out of that.

While at the home of some relatives of my friend, I heard a Born Again Christian tell his children that there were dinosaurs on Noah's ark. It saddened me to see someone hold so tightly to their mythos that they fail to realize the power of their story.

This same father refused to take yoga for fear of being corrupted by the Indian mythos. I started to wonder why the power of "Jesus" didn't prevent this from happening? I've heard from other sources that "God" gives believers free will. Okay, I like free will, but what is their faith FOR if it doesn't give them the power to exercise without falling prey to a new faith?

My illusions of faith finally completely broke down after an online conversation with a devout Christian young lady. She desperately wanted to be in a relationship, but said she couldn't go out with men. She was so afraid the man would excite her into a sexual frenzy. Since that would be against "his plan," she refused to date anyone.

This floored me. Again, her belief didn't seem to comfort or guide her. It just kept her stuck. Clearly these people are not typical of all people's of faith. I know plenty of Christians who take and even teach yoga and plenty of deeply faithful young women who date without hopping into bed with the first person who smiles their direction. However, what they showed me was the lack of power in their "Jesus."

I started to feel the power of my own brain. If I don't want to sleep with a man, I wont. I don't happen to have any faith guiding me against it, so I view it as a choice. I can do what I think is in my physical  mental and emotional best interests.

I do understand that some may take offense at my commentary. Please understand that my conclusions are for me. If you find power and comfort in your faith, I have no interest in influencing your choice.

Kind and thoughtful comments welcome.

Getting to know you

(This is number 4 in a science fiction series I started. Here are the links to the previous ones if you wish to catch up. This is completely made up as I go and started on a suggestion from a chat. Comments welcome.)

1. Undercover Angel
2. Double Vision
3. Ya Gotta have Friends

  Georgia awoke to chimes that vibrated the whole house. Not loud, but low frequency so it would carry through the paper membrane homes the Chentry preferred.
  She leaped behind the "couch" she was sleeping on and tried to make herself small. Benhi scurried past   griping over his shoulder at her to "calm down, it's only my delivery."  She blinked a few times and tried to wake up but remained hidden.
   Benhi lowered down a platform out his door and pulled up his delivery. Once the platform rose to the same height as the floor, he flipped a switch and a force shield held it in place. He buzzed something to the delivery team and went about moving things off the "door."
  "Make yourself useful and come help me, Kapkah."
  Georgia glanced up from her hiding place and saw packages of various sizes. Most wrapped in the paper like substance the Chentry use, but some were square wooden crates.
  She moved out and began pushing things off the door plate. Benhi pointed here and there when he wanted something moved to a certain place. She huffed a couple times when something was very heavy and he came over and put anti grav discs on the side and things slid much easier.
  Once the pair put everything in order he asked her if she wanted to leave right away. He offered to open the door, but if she would stay a bit longer and help him a bit more, he would give her breakfast. She agreed to stay.
  This Chentry fascinated her. He asked what she wanted to do and treated her with respect. She glanced at him as they worked, trying to puzzle out his angle. Everybody has an angle. She'd learned that much in her short life.
  After they unpacked and sorted through what she could only guess was contraband, she started to work out that Benhi dealt in black market Chentry and human goods. No wonder he didn't turn her in. She had no status to turn him in either.
  He gave her some breakfast and sat nearby to talk. She ate more slowly than the night before. This time he gave her some guava nectar and she sipped it slowly. She knew the Chentry loved the drink but she'd only seen it once at the orphanage. Some of the other students intentionally spilled some so they could taste it while cleaning it up.
  "How long have you been on your own"" Benhi asked.
  Georgia looked down and fidgeted with her food trying not to answer too much. The night before he knew when she lied. She tried a bit of a sob story line to see if he would buy it. Told him she ran away from her "family," but he just glared at her.
  "If you are gonna work with me, Kapkah, I'm going to have to teach you how to lie," said Benhi with a chirpy laugh. She shot him a look of surprise and then realized her impertinence and fell to her knees in apology.
  "None of that, now, " he said gently. "Get up and let me have a good look at you." He motioned for her to lift her arms and asked her to raise her hair. She worried that he might be contemplating selling her into prostitution and she risked his wrath and told him she wouldn't do it.
  "You're too clever for that. What has it been, two years since you left the worker training orphanage? You have that look about you. You know how to behave and not to ask questions, but I need you to pass for upper class. I think I can teach you, if that sounds interesting?"
  Georgia didn't know what to think. She had questions of her own. Keeping her eyes averted, she shrugged.
  Benhi chirped a chuckle and went to his phone. He called up another Chentry and spoke so fast she couldn't catch a single word. He turned and looked at her and said a few more things and then hung up.
  "Tell me how you survived so long on the streets? I ordered you some new clothes and a portable shower unit. It will take a bit for those to arrive. We might as well get acquainted."
  "I don't know where to start," Georgia hedged. She wanted to keep her secrets. She was still reeling from being called clever. In school she often felt the sting of a whip for speaking too soon or figuring out how to do something without being instructed.
  "look, Kapkah, I trusted you enough to help me so far. I feel I've earned enough for you to trust that I mean you no harm. How about you start with your name?"
  Georgia took a deep breath and told him her first name. Then she confirmed the two years on the street. He invited her to sit down while they talked and after a few minutes she'd told him of her petty thefts of clothes, food and occasional shelter. He nodded and told her that he knew that there were quite a few underground humans scurrying about. He'd done a little business with a few and used them to run errands for him.
  He proposed a trade. He would help her with a reasonable status, so she wouldn't have to ever worry about being sent to forced labor. In exchange, she would work for him. She looked up at him when he asked, not told, but asked if she thought she could work with him. She held his gaze for longer than she thought proper and agreed.
  "Now you're learning, Kapkah!" he bellowed. He reached out to pat her on her back and slowed when she flinched. He only tapped her gently and tossed his head back in a smile.
  "Please, may I be addressed by my name from now on, "she asked.
  "Yes, my new friend, Georgia, " he said with a bow of respect.
  "Thank you, my new friend, Benhi, " She replied, returning the bow.

Stop! In the name of love!

Some of us with albinism avoid using the term "albino" because it was used as an insult. I have other reasons that include, if you have cancer, you don't call the person with cancer, cancero. I am more than a medical condition I have. Though some of my friends, with and without cancer, like the term cancero. They're just funny people and I let it slide.

Here's the deal. Bullying with words can leave deeper scars than physical bullying. I chat online. I'd say a good 50 to 70 percent of my Facebook friends are from chat groups. The Internet is rampant with verbal bullies. The anonymity and lack of consequences emboldens cruel minded resentful people.

While sitting and watching others chat, a causal acquaintance called someone else a "retard." I sat there trying to think of some response that would let the person know that was NOT okay with me. Honestly, I never came up with anything.

The very next day I saw someone else in a different chat room say that something at his work was "retarded." That time I spoke up. I just asked the person to use another word. He was a bit defensive, but he understood.

I've had debates with people about the "albino" comments. People tell me it's used as a medical term. I have used it and I will probably use it again in the future. I have a preference for NOT using it. I do correct medical professionals who use it, but I don't press it. I do consider someone who uses it once I asked them not to to be a bully.

Feel free to express dissatisfaction with things, but consider how your words may effect those around you. Don't give me that line of crap about political correctness. When you walk in someone's shoes, or ride in their wheelchair, then maybe you can comment about how tough it is for you to find a better word to use.

STOP BULLYING.

Doctor, Doctor!

Doctor, doctor, gimme the news! Well the week came and went and no call about the biopsy. BOO. I  guess the results didn't come in on his regular office hours. I bet I wont hear from him until Tuesday, like last time.

I waited until Thursday to take my shower. I wanted to be able to call the surgeon's nurse if we saw anything of concern. We didn't. It took a whole hour to wash, dry, get re bandaged. I scrubbed most of the beta-dine off, but there are still some patches here and there. Scars look fine and are healing well.

Good thing Murry is clever because I was right and the bandages they gave me were far too small. He had to engineer a way to cover both spots. Though only the wide one on my lower leg required duct tape. There's a lot of stitches in both. I figure they're going to hurt like an SOB coming out. All kinds of scab formed around them. Ah well.

After my shower, I went off to learn how to exercise at Curves. The very nice owner showed me all the various machines and I tried nearly all of them. One I couldn't do because either my leg or my arm wouldn't fit. I forget which it was. A couple more I chose not to try because I thought it would be rough on my wounds. I was there 45 minutes and feel it was a good workout. I don't really like the loud beat in the music but whatever. I can deal with it for a few mins.

I didn't get my heart rate up very high but I was taking it very easy. It'll be a nice compliment to Tai Chi. I'm going back Monday or Tuesday and a couple more times over the week.

Murry started a new job and he's been gone weekend days. Friday he went in to his old job so he had a REALLY long day. He's doing good and I'm proud of him. I feel a little abandoned but I'm not blaming him. With Kmart closing, he needs another job. He also got Kmart to give him flexibility so he can take me places I need to go.

I've got another post mostly written, I just need to proof it good. I'll post it soon. Comment if you like.

Luck be a Lady Tonight

Bright and early Monday morning I crawled out of bed, put on my rather nice jammies with the striped Capri pants and wandered off to the hospital. No sign of the sun, but the neighbor's rooster crowed his little confused head off. I don't like this new guy, he needs to learn to shut up when it's dark.

I asked them to put my name spelled phonetically on my wrist tag. So if they were trying to talk to me, they would use a name I recognized. Donay seems to work the best. For a time I was using a nickname of Didi, but I abandoned that long ago. Old roomie and some friends from back in that day still call me Didi once in a while. And if I am ordering I use it at a restaurant  It's annoying to have a strange name and I hated it when I was a kid. I love it (and my white hair) now though. 

So my group of "short stay" denizens had to wait for a couple minutes for the staff to come get us. To keep me calm I told Murry all my cat stories. I actually started it in the car on the way there. We saw a cat scamper across the road and that reminded me of my old rommie's cat Fuzzy. His sister found her on the road. She was soo tiny.. and had some bald spots and so he ironically named her Fuzzy. 

I wont go into all my stories here. I have a number of them as cats is funny ;) (bad grammar intentional al a Larry the Cable Guy. He says "I don't care who you are, but farts is funny."  and I agree! so is cats. ) So it seemed like a long wait, but eventually they came and herded us into the unit.

They put me at bed #7 woo. The curtain featured a beach scene with palm trees and though I couldn't see them, Murry described the two pictures on the wall as boats on water at a distance. One had three boats and I don't remember about the other. 

Big scary operations scare me so my pressure was high and it never really came down. A couple times the machine beeped at me. They had a little trouble putting my IV in my right hand, surgery was on the left side, so we didn't want to start on that side. Unfortunately they couldn't find a vein so left it was. 

The nurse anesthetist Mr. Garcia spoke to me briefly. He did tell me his first name, but it was unusual so it didn't stick. The first nurse started with Diana, then after a while Colleen and then Leila. 

First place I needed to go was up to radiology so they could inject a dye to find the lymph nodes. A nice radiology tech named Gerald came and got me. Once up there, he helped e out of my bed and put me on the COOOLD table. It warmed up after a bit though. He chatted with me while he injected four small needle pricks around where the area where the lump biopsy was taken last month. 

My surgeon came in and looked at the scan and the leg and put his initials so we made sure the correct left leg got the operation. He just put his hand on my good leg and talked nice to me. He definitely has a way better bedside manner inside the hospital. The radiology tech told me that my surgeon has a really good eye and can find lymph nodes without super fancy scans, but he gave him good ones anyway. It's nice to hear good things about a guy you barely know who's gonna be cutting you open. 

They were putting fluids through my IV and so after laying there in Radiology for 45 mins I had to pee. I nearly got all tangled up trying to get out of the bathroom, but I managed. Back down at bed #7 I talked to Murry for a bit and they gave me some medicine that helps keep you calm and I remember them wheeling me out of the alcove and then I was back and groggy. Thems some GOOD knock out drugs. 

I went under general anesthesia so they put a tube down your thought. This unnatural act gives you a sore throat. They gave me some ice chips and after a few minutes asked me what kind of juice I wanted with a list of choices. I picked Grape or Apple, whichever you see first. I got grape. It was like the best juice ever. Probably I was still high from the medicines. 

They talked to me about cleaning myself on Wednesday  (today) but I really wasn't with it enough to remember. I'm going to call the surgeon's nurse to ask her how to do it. They gave me a bag of bandages and antibiotic cream. The surgeon came by and again squeezed my leg and talked nice. He prescribed a pain pill and an oral antibiotic. 

I tried to tell them that I didn't think I needed a pain pill but they kept telling me not to be brave. I really don't feel Tylenol works on me and that's what was part of the pill I got. My pressure had one reading where the diastolic was below 100 so they took out my IV and let me get dressed. It's much easier going pee without battling an IV stand too. It hurt a little but not bad at that point. I took a lap around the nurses station and was feeling fine so I did another. I stopped and rested standing up for a bit then did a third lap.

The nurse Leila went to get me a wheel chair for discharge and she was just driving up when I was coming back from the third lap. She said she doesn't usually have to chase people down to discharge them. I pawed in my bag for my sun glasses and got them on just before it got too bright. 

We parked just outside the entrance so Leila wheeled us right out to the car. She wished me well we went off to get my meds from the pharmacy. I thought a Slurpee would help my throat so I told Murry I wanted one after my pills. 

My pharmacy has a walk up window so we parked near that and I wandered over and told them my name. They said it would be five mins so I walked the length of the front of their building. I felt a little loopy but not so I would fall. Murry went off to the dollar store across the parking lot and got some candy. 

When I got back to the window, there was another customer there and she was taking a while. So I sat down. I didn't care that I was in jammies and a robe. I'm not vain about being in public in imperfect condition. I don't think anyone even cared. 

So I got my meds then off for Slurpee! I stayed in the car and chatted with a 711 employee on her break. I asked her if she knew Lark, who works there and told her Lark used to work for me. She looked about 12 but said she'd been there almost three years and has a baby of her own. I think she might have mentioned her name but I don't remember it. 

Once home, Murry made me a nice bowl of chicken soup. I thought when I started it, I would only eat half, but my hunger grew and I scarfed the whole thing. A couple hours after that, Mur made me two tacos. I thought well maybe I am over doing it, but I was fine and it really felt good to eat. Later that night, I had a small bowl of cereal with my antibiotics. 

I didn't even try the pain meds. Yesterday, Tuesday, I had some pain that persisted for more than a few seconds so I took some Ibuprofen. Most of the pain up to that point was like.. being slapped on a sunburn. Not a tap or a bump.. but slapped. It usually went away as quick, and it usually happened while I was getting up or sitting down. This morning I took another couple Ibuprofen. 

I forget what medicine but one of them turned my pee a beautiful azure blue. The pre-op nurse told me this would happen and it tickled me to see it. It only lasted 24 hours, though. Then my poop had a bit of a blue hue to it. Exciting toilet time ;)

They gave me some glycerin soap so I washed off some of the beta dine around my leg. I was very careful not to get the bandages wet. Man that stuff is sticky and it took some effort to get myself clean. There's more and it's gonna be a chore to get myself washed and re bandaged today. 

So that's what happened to me this week. What's your life been like? ;) I find out sometime today or tomorrow if there are signs of spreading. I'll meet with an oncologist regardless. Might not be anything to do though. Melanoma isn't really a cancer they have "great" treatments with. They cut it off and take it out, but if they don't have anything large enough to see on a scan, there's nothing much they can do. And they're so different from person to person. It's a good sign that the tests haven't shown any masses to this point.

Thursday I am going to an exercise gym and getting on their program. I am going to take it SUPER easy. Then I have a weight loss group meeting in the evening. Lots of goings on. I'm feeling emotionally great and physically okie dokie. 

Oops I did it again

Pre-op consultation day went okay. I talked to a very nice nurse lady named Karen and she went over procedures and had me sign some things. Will I take blood products, yes and some others I don't remember.

My blood pressure was high, but she used a different cuff and it was closer to normal. She wrote down what size cuff to use and hopefully it'll be fine Monday. I have severe white coat (really just STRESS) pressure spikes. It's been fine in the regular doctor's office. She got me all used to getting it taken by having me go in and test it three times a week. I bet if my reg doc's nurse Pam took it, I'd be close to normal.

So Thursday night, I went to my first weight loss group meeting and instead of the regular meeting, they were having a pot luck. I met some people, asked some questions and ate their food. It was nice to have my first meeting be so casual. I feel I can hang out with these folks well enough so I think I will try and go with this group.

I have to go to these meetings to get a gym membership for free. They had some pretty tasty and mostly healthy food. Someone made an apple pie with Splenda that tasted like apple pie. They had a Hawaiian theme so they gave us those flower necklaces called leis. I told someone that on chat and they didn't know the word was spelled lei. Funny spelling.

When I came home I hung the lei up with my jacket. When I went to grab it this morning I didn't realize I grabbed the lei too. When I went to take off the jacket it fell down. I decided to put it on.

Okay, so evidently I do cosplay for medical tests! ;) Maybe it was a subconscious on purpose thing. I might bring it with me to the operation. I know they wont let me wear it during any procedures, but at least I can have it on the way in and out. Oh, wait, I just remembered, no jewelry. Dammit. ;)

Scared, but I'll get through it. Remember, tell me a joke and make me laugh. Funny pictures welcome! Post a comment, but after Monday I might not get to it for a day or two.

Insensitive

Why are some people just assholes? Yeah, I get it, I've been online and on the Internet for years and I get that the anonymity gives some people permission to say things they wouldn't dream of saying to someone's face, but what's with the jerkness in the deep hearts of some people?

I so wonder about how people feel the need to tear down and hurt, just because they can? Who are they to question someone's grief or coping mechanism? What makes them think they could handle HALF what the other person is going through?

It's not a question of manners. There's a lot of netiquette. Like DON'T TYPE IN ALL CAPS. It's called shouting. If you want to get to know someone, talk to them, asking age, sex, location will turn people off. You can find way more out a person by asking about their hobbies or favorite TV show.

Maybe it's a shitty plan to gripe about other people, maybe I'm doing exactly what I dislike. Typical of me, judging others that which I abhor in myself. ;)

I dunno. Be NICE dammit. Just try. Let someone else have their feelings and talk about their problems and listen patently. Direct their energy toward a solution, but you're not in charge of that either. Some horses don't want your water. So what? Put water out anyway.

Love people for whatever place they are. I love my mother, but that doesn't mean I want to talk to her. I wish her peace and occasionally I try and sort out my feelings by talking about her.

I guess that makes me think of her as being kind of like one of those insensitives  Having no concept of how much people like her create their own life. Flat out rudeness is almost like breathing to them.

How SAD and painful to watch.

Okay, I am off to do stuff.. and to try and be nice to someone jsut because I want to. ;)

Slavery: Part II

I started writing this a while back and I've just been putting off posting because I wanted to go through some fact checking. The other day, I read a black man posting how president Obama and his wife are racist and hate white people. He didn't give any examples, he just stated it like "it's obvious." They're also communists, according to this guy. Truly these things are simply political rhetoric to appeal to a right wing base. Much of it would be directed at any white democrat. Claims of "we must respect the presidency" during the Bush era, seemed to be only for Republicans.


This whole idea of slavery started to occur to me after seeing news reports of the disabled being paid subliminum wage and mass casualty fires and building collapses in places like Bangladesh. Garment workers toil long hours under terrible conditions for low pay. It struck me and I read someone else suggest this just moved slavery from our vision. "Fiddledeedee, I'll think about that tomorrow!"

African Americans continue to suffer the effects of enslavement even today. I knew that slavery didn't end with the civil war. It changed to mass incarceration of people of color coupled with segregation and culminated with the drug wars began in the 1980's.

In his book, Slavery by another name : the re-enslavement of Black people in America from the Civil War to World War II, author Douglas Blackmon (yeah, great name huh? He's white too!) tells of how the south denied former slaves their liberty. Using court documents and historical letters, Blackmon describes a post civil war south that continued forced labor by means of incarceration. Thousands of men and women, ill equipped for a free life, got duped into jail and then "sold" to companies as prison labor. 

White men would stop healthy looking young black men and charge them with vagrancy or some other petty crime. Once jailed, other white men would prosecute, judge and sentence them to a fine these people could not pay. They would then be required to perform forced labor until their fine was paid off. Jailers would tack on fees for room and board, growing a six month "sentence" to an incarceration term of years. All for basically "walking down the street while black." 

The prison documents often failed to include what crimes a person was convicted of or the term of their sentences. They were just cogs in the machine. If they broke, the system would just find a replacement. 

Blackmon goes on to say this treatment made slavery look kind in comparison. As slaves, people had monetary value as livestock. Though this is demoralizing, it means there's less incentive to injure or starve your assets. Labeling prisoners as "bad" gave those jailing black people an excuse to abuse them. 

These practices got the attention of the federal government in the early 20th century and several white men were prosecuted and fined. Some were jailed, but many refused to pay. Since the people enforcing such fines were the very people who jailed the prisoners in the first place, hardly any whites suffered any punishment at all.

With the advent of mechanization of labor and after World War II, blacks began to move away from the harsh treatment from southern states. These practices ebbed. Segregation began to repress people of color. Through legal battles and legislation, slowly blacks gained standing as fully engaged citizens of the United States. Still, few white men abusers and oppressors suffered any consequences. 

Imagine watching a white man hurting your friends and neighbors and knowing that he'll get very little punishment. Imagine having your whole community accused of being "uppity" just for asking for your turn at opportunity. Might you not reason there's a high  chance of you going to jail on a bogus trumped up charge and might you decide that if you are going to jail, you might as well live it up and do a crime? I'm very law abiding and I can imagine it.

In The new Jim Crow, Michelle Alexander suggests that drug laws and unfair sentences created from the drug wars of the 1980s continue the legacy of repression of the African American community. Different rules for powder and crack cocaine sale along with mandatory sentence differences keep more blacks in prison. Many states also ban felons from voting. 

In the 21st century, of all men in their early thirties, African-Americans are more than twice as likely to have a prison record and serve longer than whites. These sentences run roughly 10 percent longer than whites jailed for the same crime. According to the 2000 US Census, 2.2 million blacks enrolled in college compared to the Bureau of Justice figure of 610 thousand black inmates.

According to the FBI's Uniform Crime Report database, in 2010 58 percent of hate crime offenders were white (including latinos), 18 percent were black, 8.9 percent were multi-racial and 1 percent  Native Americans.The report states that among hate crime offenses motivated by race, 70 percent were composed of anti-black bias, while 17.7 percent were of anti-white bias, and 5 percent were of anti-Asian or Pacific Islander bias.

Prisons charge inmates more for toiletries and other personal items and the "store" has a monopoly on their business. Though the reasons for this involve many legitimate concerns, it just pushes more financial burden onto an already impoverished population. 

So you're charged more for some basic needs and then paid far below minim wage for your work. In a federal prison labor program called UNICOR inmates make between .23 and $1.15 per hour. In fiscal year 2008, UNICOR employed 21,836 inmates: 17 percent of eligible inmates held in federal prisons. The company generated $765 million in sales. Of these revenues, 74 percent went toward the purchase of raw material and equipment; 20 percent went to staff salaries; 6 percent went to inmate salaries.

States have similar programs. Prisoners with a financial obligation to pay for their crimes are required to pay 50 percent of their wages to reimburse victims. Working while in jail does benefit inmates by giving them skills and it alleviates the boredom. 

Shouldn't prison industries be subject to the same rules as non prison employers? There's a mechanism for garnishment outside of jail. How can it be fair to anyone inside or outside the system to pay people less? Victims would get paid sooner, prisoners would no longer be treated as slave labor, outside contractors wold be able to compete fairly on labor and it would remove the incentive to keep skilled workers jailed. 

People who do bad things need to be taught to stop doing those bad things. But what we have now, are warehouses for slaves. For half the cost, drug treatment and life skill training centers could replace most non violent offender rolls. The echoes of slavery persist because few people ever consider the reasons for over representation of ethnic minorities in prison. Most of us just think, bad people go to jail. Good people avoid it. 

Even people in the black and Latino community blame things like drugs for the problem. They may form groups that try and change minimum mandatory sentencing or efforts to end prison overcrowding. All valuable concerns, but these groups fail to realize how much bigotry still drives the jail system. This system that should have been dismantled 150 years ago persists in repression of minorities. 

How about we do as I suggested above? We start shifting toward parity in incarceration and creating cheaper true rehab for drugs and life skills? Baltimore, Maryland is doing it with juveniles. They have conflict resolution programs where they bring together all parties to a conflict and everyone works toward a solution. We can be a better country and live Dr. King's dream. 

Work it out

I need the exercise, but since I have surgery on September 9, I'm going to take the month off from Tai Chi. Today will be my last bending stretching and moving around organized by a nice long haired lady. Or her equally nice, when he doesn't use me as a sparring dummy, long haired husband.

My state funded health plan has weight loss program that includes exercise. I have to go to an orientation, but that doesn't start until four days before my surgery. I selected one I hope will let me do some work while recuperating 

I don't know how down and out I'm going to be. None of the doctors can tell me until they open me up and see how easy their cutting is going to be.

Went to the dermatologist and he said there are no more skin issues to worry over. He said I should be checked as regularly as twice a year. He thinks I'm the only person with albinism in the area. It's possible. We're like 1 in 20,000 in the population. There's about 65,000 in the county. Could be a couple more like me lurking around.

Here's the timeline:

Sometime in June I noticed the spot on my leg turned into a lump and I called up and get an appointment to have my doctor looked at it. She sent me to a surgeon to have it removed.
July, the surgeon scheduled the lump for removal.
July toward the end, Lump removal surgery, biopsy sent. The injection of numbing agent hurt, but the surgery didn't.
July 31, Surgeon called to tell me it was cancer and scheduled a CAT scan
August 7, Donning my cat ears my friend Alison made for me (yay Ali)  I went off for my test. I posted about it with a picture here" What's new PussyCAT On the same day, they removed the stitches from the surgery. My skin grew in well which unfortunately made taking the stitches out painful.
August 12, Surgeon shows me the CAT scan with some lumpy bits near my uterus and around my breasts. He thinks it's nothing but he has me get some exams anyway. We schedule a mammogram and gynecological exams.
August 16, Gynecologic tells me the mass is just a fibroid like we thought
August 18, Mammogram tests reveals no lumps and nothing of concern. It was way easier than I expected and not painful  Though I have large breasts, perhaps a woman (or man) with smaller pectoral area would find it painful. One of the scans is a little awkward, but it didn't hurt.
August 28, full body dermatology exam finds nothing of concern.
PENDING:
August 29, I see my regular doctor to clear me for lymph node biopsy.
September 6, Pre-operative consultation with the nursing staff and anesthesiology.
September 9, Lymph node removal and more skin removed around the area of the lump.

I don't have any information on what happens after that. I know I will go home that day.

Writing this all down tired me out. Quite a stressy ordeal. I am confident the cancer got taken care of the first time, but it not, we'll decide what to do from there.

Remember, make me laugh. I know you're sorry and yes I am amazing and strong. You can just be silly.. that's the best thing you can do for me ;) Kind and silly.

Give it away NOW

A friend of mine told me about a couple posts on charitable organizations and it got me to thinking about efficiency. Making the most of my spending and actions interests me a great deal. Not only do I like a bargain, I like a bargain on what lasts.

Each post told stories of giving and asked the question if the program was the most effective use of the giving dollar. See them here;
Do you cause more harm than good by giving Tom's Shoes to the poor? 
Efficient Charity: Do Unto Others

They both ask the question of if the programs created to help people use the money wisely. Is it wiser to clean up places where children walk barefoot or give them shoes? Is it wiser to provide mosquito netting for more people or cure malaria in fewer people? Maybe the question is far more complicated.

A few years ago I saw a charitable giving chart of dollars spent on different categories  It showed that charities related to animal welfare garnered more than those for children. I remarked on this and some friends suggested that animals are completely defenseless. Where as children at least had someone to speak for them and could to some extent speak for themselves.

Seems to me people flat out just like animals more than they like people. And probably for the very reason that they don't "feel" as needy. Kind of ironic that the thing that gets them more charitable contributions is the thing that says they don't need it as much as the kids do. Lets face it, kids make noise, cry and complain sometimes in ways we don't expect. Animals needs tend to easier to both ignore and fulfill. Though children need food, stability and comfort just like dogs, what they might ask for is "go away!" or "take me to the mall!"

With regard to charitable work, I wonder if people from outside a need can ever truly sort out how to solve it. There is something to be said for information and perspective, but providing those along with a charitable gift may be the most effective method for problem solving.

Does the poverty charity help people out of poverty or at least help people take steps toward that goal? Does the cancer charity provide funds for research that have good outcomes? Does an organization's goals match what outcomes they are looking to accomplish?

A few posts back I was objecting to Goodwill Industries for paying their managers high salaries while paying disabled individuals sometimes far below minimum wage. Honestly, I don't care what the managers make if they're helping a high number of people. Are they getting the most effective use out of their contributions. I still don't think the disabled are getting the best benefit from Goodwill, but I stopped tying it to what the managers make.

Take a moment the next time you do something charitable. Consider  the whole of the impact. Occasionally ask the question of the effectiveness of your donation. I'm not asking you to never buy Tom's Shoes or forget about donating anywhere. Just sometimes ask. If we all ask, sometimes, we might get to where more gets done.

I donate to and buy mainly at Hospice Thrift store and the Habitat for Humanity Restore. I've heard good things about both and I like the bootstrap build your own idea with Habitat. I like the cooperative  idea. I'd like to see some numbers on effectiveness and I plan to talk to them about it later this week.

What about you? Where do you spend your money, donate your goods or spend your time?

Ya Gotta have Friends.

(Writing  seems to help calm me down so here's a bit more on our story. Ifiction will figure out a title after a few more installments. I am totally making this up as I go. I have a couple ideas, but they're vague and undefined. Feel free to comment. ) Catch up on the story here: 

1. Undercover Angel

2. Double Vision

  

  "Come out of there! I can hear you breathing, you beige tinted bag of goo!" 

  Georgia held her breath and tried to shrink inside herself. If she could just be invisible for a minute, he'd go away and she could eat. The alley looked deserted and closed up for the night, but naturally  a Chentry lurked down there. Just her luck. 

  "Bastards act like they are god's gift to humanity." Thought Georgia. In the 127 years since their first contact, the Chentry paraded around and took over every position of authority. Unworthy, imperfect natives lost what little place they had built. Now they worked for their benevolent overlords. Though humans still have the illusion of freedom. 

  If she were caught, she would be sent back to the orphanage for training. The idea of back breaking mining camps, coppa crop field work or cleaner duties never appealed to Georgia. She had a fertile and active mind but only humans from a good family got a decent education. So she escaped. 

  After lights out, and most of her fellow captors were asleep, she made her way to her cache of food, wire cutters and a small digging tool she hid in a bin near the fence. The lump of pillows and covered hole kept her exit secret until morning. Before anyone knew she was even gone, she was dozing behind a human grocery market on the outskirts of a nearby town. 

  The Chentry kept the streets safe and clean enough to appear survivable, but she soon learned how much she had to hustle to get by. For two years, she learned how to eat, wear and sleep in the cast offs of her betters. And she knew everyone was better than her. 

  She figured out how to fake a persona for the daytime. By accident someone mistook her for a girl from Cherry Hill. The distant acquaintance hadn't seen the girl in a long time and wanted to catch up. At lunch, Georgia tried not to scarf the meal as she pretended a life from stories she read about in scraps of tossed magazines. Nothing extravagant, just real enough to seem interesting. 

  After that, she used the name Gilda Menger whenever anyone challenged her. If you walk confident and with purpose, most people and even most Chentry, ignored you. 

  At night, everything changed. Chentry preferred to do their business when they weren't blinded by the sun.

  The Chentry down the alley came closer to where she pressed herself flat against the brick wall. He peered around the dumpster and she could see him craning his spindly neck, his triangular shaped head swiveling, searching from side to side. He glowed pale green against the darkness. His black marble eyes blinking as he scanned the surroundings. 

  When he started to move off, Georgia carefully let out her breath. The Chentry whipped around and caught her by the collar. "There you are you little mouse!" At first, Georgia thought he was going to eat her. They didn't eat human adults, that she knew of, but they could be cruel if they were in a mood. 

  He set her down and looked her up and down. "you're too small to be out this time of night." 

  "I lost my notebook and I needed it for lessons. I didn't think anyone would mind if I just picked it up." she bluffed. 

  The Chentry looked behind where she tossed her bread when he caught her. He growled a bit and glowered down at her. "Not the best lying beigy I've met, but not the worst. Come on, I've got some things you can eat. " 

  Georgia contemplated running when they got to the edge of the alley, but he put out his arm and told her to wait. He was the closest thing she has to a friend out at this time of night. She nodded and let him lead her. Another Chentry appeared around the corner and the one in front of her waved him off. "Not tonight, Jaho. I have to feed this kapkah, I'll catch you another time." 

  The other glared at Georgia, but just shrugged and went back the way he came. Georgia wondered why he spoke in Standard so she could understand. Maybe he didn't want me to be afraid of the other Chentry. That seems odd. She knew some Chentry lingo. Kapkah, for instance was slime eater. 

  It makes sense that Chentry homes resemble wasp nests. It reveals their insect like nature. He climbed up the entrance and let a rope ladder down for her. He's had humans in here before. The small rounded main room made from human hand sized rough hexagon cells. One section featured a flat bench with some kind of grassy covering. Definitely made for people. He waved his hand toward it and she sat down. 

  Several of the closed sells glowed with a warm light. The Chentry rustled inside a cupboard of sorts and brought out some cheese, an apple and some kind of fungus. "I'm Benhi, " shared the Chentry. "What do they call you, kapkah?" 

  Georgia took a bite of the apple and sniffed the fungus. She used the time to consider what to tell him. Her lie could be checked too easy under these circumstances, but the truth would send her back to slavery. She had never encountered anyone, not even a human who talked to her as a person. She didn't know what to think. And he knew she was lying in the alley. 

  He observed her dilemma and chuckled. "It doesn't matter right now. You can keep it to yourself. I'm not going to turn you in to anyone. Though, I don't know what I'm going to do with you either. It's not exactly safe out there for orphans, but I bet you know how to handle yourself. '

  She cocked her head and looked at him through narrowed eyes. She carefully chewed her cheese and tried to work out what this game was. He waved his hand to the open door. "It's late, I'll decide what kind of offer I will make in the morning. Sleep there, if you want. Or leave if you want. I"m going upstairs to signal Jaho and see if I can salvage that deal you screwed up." 

  Georgia couldn't help the flash of fear that came across her face. She didn't want the Chentry angry with her. "Oh relax, you, I know you didn't meant to do anything. Jaho's a REAL kapkah, I'm only working with him because he's a neighbor podmate. I'd just as soon work with a dung merchant!" 

  Before he leaped upstairs the Chentry tossed his head back in their equivalent of a smile. Georgia quickly finished her meal and headed for the door. Just as she looked down she caught herself. What is this all about, she thought. Might it be safer to sleep here for a few hours. She could always leave before he came down. 

  Georgia looked back longingly at the bench. She hadn't slept or even sat on anything so comfortable in her life. After a few seconds of hand wringing she went back and curled up. Just a couple of hours and then she'd go. 

(So now we know where she met Benhi, now I just have to find out how to tie these together. )