Hit the Road Jack

Well, hit the road, Debbie. The day before I moved into the house that Murry owned, his roommate's girlfriend, Debbie, had a meltdown.

She somehow convinced herself that the new woman would threaten her status. Turns out, she had reason for concern, but I'll get to that in a minute.

She decided that Murry was "dangerous" and crawled out the window into the roof. Murry never knew what he said or did that sparked this reaction. I even asked him if my moving in would be any issue and he said it wouldn't.

So there she stood, jumping up and down calling "help police," while Murry tried to coax her inside. Roommate, Bob, hadn't gotten home from work. Murry had a guest over and they were just watching TV when she started acting weird.

Back then, Murry worked nights and it was about time for him to go to work so he left. A neighbor called the police and they arrived the same time as Bob and since they didn't know what was happening, put him in handcuffs.

They managed to get her to come to the door and she said it wasn't the guy. Bob told them that it must be a landlord issue and they left without filing any report.

Murry came to visit me on his way to work and said that she was being weird. I knew something was gonna be up when I showed up with my truck full of stuff the next day. She tried to tell how "dangerous" it was to live there. The only danger I felt was from her.

Murry decided that she needed to leave and he insisted she get her own place. I guess he felt she had tenant rights so he gave her 30 days for this. After 30 days, supposedly she had her own place, but she hung around her boyfriend and would stay up there while he worked. We could hear her stomping around.

Friends and her daughter showed up at the door asking for her. Implying we would harm her, the daughter said she was "checking on mom."

One evening, she and Bob came in and started walking past me as I lay on the couch  watching TV. She stopped and reached over and started petting the cat laying on my lap. Then she snarked  that I should tell Murry she has her own place. This didn't have anything to do with me, so I told her that was between them and that she needed to tell him herself.

She called me a bitch and whined about how he's too dangerous to talk to. Bob hustled her out of the room and apologized. I must have looked up in a way that told him she had crossed a line with me.

I'd been ignoring her for the better part of three months. Until that night, I didn't feel it was my place to say or do anything. I'd always believed the pen was mightier than the sword, but I had no idea how powerfully it could pierce.

I wrote her a one page letter and posted it on the front door and the door to the Bob's loft room. I don't remember all nine points, but I remember it was filled with rational musings on the situation.

If she didn't consider this her address, why did people come looking for her there? Why was she there alone? If Murry's so scary, why did she come into the house at all?

I also put a sign with big fonts that said "Deborah does not live here" on the front door. She ripped down the notes and called me a bitch again. But she did it as she stormed out.

I never saw her again. Murry said he saw her in Bob's car about a week after this.

Bob wasn't a bad guy. Seems weird that he would hook up with a selfish bat shit crazy woman. They did eventually break up. and he moved on and bought a house.

Debbie kind of reminded me of my mom. they're both selfish, self abusing lost souls who will defend their crazy with righteous indignation. I wish them both peace.

Got any roommate stories? I'd love to hear them.

King Midas

Last year about this time, Murry and I decided that we couldn't afford to keep our store open any longer. We had begged, borrowed and cajoled as much as we could from our friends and family.

Tuesday of this week, I had a massive bout of personal failure. I suspect that the anniversary of the business closing, along with having to fill out some biographical information for the Oregon Commission for the Blind, overwhelmed my confidence.

I'm doing better now, but it took me some time to sort out that the one year anniversary could be a big source of stress. Murry suggested I just do one thing. Concentrate on going to Curves. I love going to exercise and interact with people.

I also changed doctors this month and ended up with a very similar person. She's from a different country and has browner skin, but what irritated me about my previous doctor, irritates me about this one. This was my fear. Getting stuck with the same thing.

I'm going to stick with the new doc because I don't have any kind of bad history with her. I am going to try and express my feelings more up front. I've found, that if one expresses a troubled emotional history, doctors ignore any other thing you say. But I can talk about my "today" feelings.

My friend Jess asked me what I wanted in a doctor, I think I posted that I have no idea. I kind of do, but I am a bit afraid to ask for it. It seems pointless to ask for what isn't very likely. Though, what does it hurt to dream?

I want my doctor to see me as a person with lots of interrelated medical conditions. I want someone who cares about my emotional state as much as the physical. I want a doc that tries to deal with conditions as a whole body approach. I want appreciation for the efforts I am making. I want a real person who understands that chocolate is a valuable substance. I want reasonable doable suggestions. I can find vague generalities on my own.

I would like to talk to a nutritional expert on occasion. They must be a human who knows what it's like to be imperfect and how life is sometimes a struggle. I'm lucky I have caring people who specialize in exercise to talk to, but if I didn't, it would be nice to talk to someone like that. I wish I had a group that talked about the emotional aspects of letting go of weight on a regular basis.

If I really had everything health related in a perfect state, I wish I could do therapy in a park while taking a nice walk. I know that's pure fantasy, but I think it would be good to give my body something to do so it wouldn't just sit in a chair and fret when talking about my problems.

So these are the things that have been on my mind this week. As always, kind comments welcome!

Who Are You

I don't do "resolutions" for new years. I do self evaluations and possibly goals. Some goal guru's would decidedly NOT approve of my method, but others gave me the idea in the first place!

I make plans and set things in motion, but if they don't work out, I change streams. I used an inspiration piece for my master bath and went to pick color samples for it. I got distracted by this color called gold fish. The master bedroom ended up completely different from what I imagined. I LOVED IT.

I wrote down on a piece of paper all the crazy ways I could get me a house. Then I just put it in a drawer and forgot about it. After I had my house, I found it again. It's weird, but I got my house through one of the ways.

Murry thinks that prayer works as a way to focus ourselves and sort out what we want. As an atheist, I prefer to call it intentional thought. Whatever you call it, putting out a request gives you a kind of message board to tack ideas to.

So my questions starting this year are: Who am I and what do I want. Yes, I stole these questions from Babylon 5, where JMS got the idea is none of my business.

I write a blog, I'm hella creative and find even broken glass interesting. I am a survivor and most days thriver. I survived a painful childhood, cancer, a divorce and the loss of two business. It seems that these things made me better. I cannot say if that's the purpose of  problems.

I want enough money to do the interesting things that pop in my head. I want a diverse group of friends who think somewhat like me, but with different perspectives on topics of interest.

This year, I want to be healthier and eat well. I love stuff that's considered good for you, so at least there's that.

I want to lean toward happy and if I'm having a day, lean toward okay. I'm pretty good at that, thought I should state it for all to see.

I want to learn to let Murry be who he wants to be. I tend to want to push him past his head space. I hope I remember to do my own thing and leave him alone if he has different ideas.

I want to get more consistent about doing stuff, like posting. I started this a few days ago. I'm doing good on consistent on many things as it is, I just want to do more. I exercise three times each week and I'm getting my blood pressure tested once a week.

I will finish up my series of slavery this January. That's my one true goal. I'm also looking for a writing partner to share editing duties. Lets say I'll find one by the end of February.

So that's me, this fine January day. Who are you?

Happy New Year!

Thanks for the Memories

Thought I'm soooo glad to see 2013 go, I thought I would take some tome to say thank you for all the experiences.

I'm deeply grateful to Glenn for his generous spirit as my store started failing. He believed in us enough to help us through the last couple of weeks.

When I look back, I'm proud we went as long as we did with our store. I know that it could work with someone with a better plan. My hope is that someone will figure this out and grow it into something wonderful.

Yay for medical coverage that could deal with my cancer  quickly and that nothing spread. Thankfully, my scars are healing and my spirits are good.

I'm thankful for the Coos County Library System. The DVD section entertains me when I'm low and the access to interesting and amazing books keeps me informed on a large variety of topics.

We found a wonderful friend in Nick, who tends our yard and does odd jobs. He delights in science and science fiction as much as we do.

Life works best when you are willing to accept the less than perfect. We found a used spa tub to redo our master bathroom, a closeout vent/microwave for very cheap and Murry bought me a slightly used tablet for the holiday. Now we just need to find a deal on some cabinets.

It might sound silly, but sometimes you gotta sit down and thank the most insignificant things. Breathing comes to mind. I also have the ability to type, think and hear reasonably well. I can see some.

Strange things I learned this year include: You can cut your own hair and get noticed but changing your glasses doesn't register on anyone's radar. Vegetarian isn't so bad, once in a while.

I raise my glass of wait.. I don't have anything but water.. heh oh well.. DEAL. I raise my glass of water to the new year. How can it help but be better than this one!

Happy New Year!

Sweet Dreams

I told someone about a desire I have that I keep close to my heart. Thankfully my trust was justified and she let me dream without criticism. That hasn't always been the case in my life.

While riding with a friend I was happily babbling about a horse property I'd found. It was more than I could afford so I was musing about boarding animals for other people. I have no horse experience, but I thought how hard could it be to rent space.

My friend started screaming how it was hard work and I shouldn't even consider it because I didn't know anything about horses. It wasn't even like she was trying to steer me away from the idea, I felt she was calling me stupid for even thinking it for a second. After a few minutes of stunned silence, I muttered that I wasn't planning on torturing horses.

We're no longer friends. I can't stay around people who crap on my dreams in the planning stages. Kind guidance and pointing out pitfalls can actually excite me. Then it's a feeling of you're taking me seriously. Just screaming "stupid idea" makes me think of YOU as MEAN.

Part of my idea involves contact with people who have disabilities. Though I may still work on this project, I kind of don't want to at the same time.

As a kid, I frequently got lumped into the group "handicapped." Now I am a realist, my vision gives me grief and I wouldn't want others to have it. If I could cure it and the cure had a good percent chance of working and wouldn't hurt me trying it, I'd do it.

So lumped into the group, I found there were nice people and there are not nice people with disabilities. Duh, groups of humans has every kind in it. Though, far more imperfect people have a "poor me" attitude than I like. That gets on my nerves.

I want to be around people who grab the world by the tail and go for it. I want to view the world and share my views and be admired and praised for that.

Perhaps I am not in control of the kind of people I will meet and just need to keep MY attitude and let other people have theirs. Now I feel a lot better. I am not in control so why lament that? Do what I can to encourage and admire others and not be the mean friend who finds fault with the lives of others.

Funny, I started this post with one thought and now I'm ending it with another.

Kind comments welcome.

Doctor, Doctor!

Doctor, doctor, gimme the news! Well the week came and went and no call about the biopsy. BOO. I  guess the results didn't come in on his regular office hours. I bet I wont hear from him until Tuesday, like last time.

I waited until Thursday to take my shower. I wanted to be able to call the surgeon's nurse if we saw anything of concern. We didn't. It took a whole hour to wash, dry, get re bandaged. I scrubbed most of the beta-dine off, but there are still some patches here and there. Scars look fine and are healing well.

Good thing Murry is clever because I was right and the bandages they gave me were far too small. He had to engineer a way to cover both spots. Though only the wide one on my lower leg required duct tape. There's a lot of stitches in both. I figure they're going to hurt like an SOB coming out. All kinds of scab formed around them. Ah well.

After my shower, I went off to learn how to exercise at Curves. The very nice owner showed me all the various machines and I tried nearly all of them. One I couldn't do because either my leg or my arm wouldn't fit. I forget which it was. A couple more I chose not to try because I thought it would be rough on my wounds. I was there 45 minutes and feel it was a good workout. I don't really like the loud beat in the music but whatever. I can deal with it for a few mins.

I didn't get my heart rate up very high but I was taking it very easy. It'll be a nice compliment to Tai Chi. I'm going back Monday or Tuesday and a couple more times over the week.

Murry started a new job and he's been gone weekend days. Friday he went in to his old job so he had a REALLY long day. He's doing good and I'm proud of him. I feel a little abandoned but I'm not blaming him. With Kmart closing, he needs another job. He also got Kmart to give him flexibility so he can take me places I need to go.

I've got another post mostly written, I just need to proof it good. I'll post it soon. Comment if you like.

Luck be a Lady Tonight

Bright and early Monday morning I crawled out of bed, put on my rather nice jammies with the striped Capri pants and wandered off to the hospital. No sign of the sun, but the neighbor's rooster crowed his little confused head off. I don't like this new guy, he needs to learn to shut up when it's dark.

I asked them to put my name spelled phonetically on my wrist tag. So if they were trying to talk to me, they would use a name I recognized. Donay seems to work the best. For a time I was using a nickname of Didi, but I abandoned that long ago. Old roomie and some friends from back in that day still call me Didi once in a while. And if I am ordering I use it at a restaurant  It's annoying to have a strange name and I hated it when I was a kid. I love it (and my white hair) now though. 

So my group of "short stay" denizens had to wait for a couple minutes for the staff to come get us. To keep me calm I told Murry all my cat stories. I actually started it in the car on the way there. We saw a cat scamper across the road and that reminded me of my old rommie's cat Fuzzy. His sister found her on the road. She was soo tiny.. and had some bald spots and so he ironically named her Fuzzy. 

I wont go into all my stories here. I have a number of them as cats is funny ;) (bad grammar intentional al a Larry the Cable Guy. He says "I don't care who you are, but farts is funny."  and I agree! so is cats. ) So it seemed like a long wait, but eventually they came and herded us into the unit.

They put me at bed #7 woo. The curtain featured a beach scene with palm trees and though I couldn't see them, Murry described the two pictures on the wall as boats on water at a distance. One had three boats and I don't remember about the other. 

Big scary operations scare me so my pressure was high and it never really came down. A couple times the machine beeped at me. They had a little trouble putting my IV in my right hand, surgery was on the left side, so we didn't want to start on that side. Unfortunately they couldn't find a vein so left it was. 

The nurse anesthetist Mr. Garcia spoke to me briefly. He did tell me his first name, but it was unusual so it didn't stick. The first nurse started with Diana, then after a while Colleen and then Leila. 

First place I needed to go was up to radiology so they could inject a dye to find the lymph nodes. A nice radiology tech named Gerald came and got me. Once up there, he helped e out of my bed and put me on the COOOLD table. It warmed up after a bit though. He chatted with me while he injected four small needle pricks around where the area where the lump biopsy was taken last month. 

My surgeon came in and looked at the scan and the leg and put his initials so we made sure the correct left leg got the operation. He just put his hand on my good leg and talked nice to me. He definitely has a way better bedside manner inside the hospital. The radiology tech told me that my surgeon has a really good eye and can find lymph nodes without super fancy scans, but he gave him good ones anyway. It's nice to hear good things about a guy you barely know who's gonna be cutting you open. 

They were putting fluids through my IV and so after laying there in Radiology for 45 mins I had to pee. I nearly got all tangled up trying to get out of the bathroom, but I managed. Back down at bed #7 I talked to Murry for a bit and they gave me some medicine that helps keep you calm and I remember them wheeling me out of the alcove and then I was back and groggy. Thems some GOOD knock out drugs. 

I went under general anesthesia so they put a tube down your thought. This unnatural act gives you a sore throat. They gave me some ice chips and after a few minutes asked me what kind of juice I wanted with a list of choices. I picked Grape or Apple, whichever you see first. I got grape. It was like the best juice ever. Probably I was still high from the medicines. 

They talked to me about cleaning myself on Wednesday  (today) but I really wasn't with it enough to remember. I'm going to call the surgeon's nurse to ask her how to do it. They gave me a bag of bandages and antibiotic cream. The surgeon came by and again squeezed my leg and talked nice. He prescribed a pain pill and an oral antibiotic. 

I tried to tell them that I didn't think I needed a pain pill but they kept telling me not to be brave. I really don't feel Tylenol works on me and that's what was part of the pill I got. My pressure had one reading where the diastolic was below 100 so they took out my IV and let me get dressed. It's much easier going pee without battling an IV stand too. It hurt a little but not bad at that point. I took a lap around the nurses station and was feeling fine so I did another. I stopped and rested standing up for a bit then did a third lap.

The nurse Leila went to get me a wheel chair for discharge and she was just driving up when I was coming back from the third lap. She said she doesn't usually have to chase people down to discharge them. I pawed in my bag for my sun glasses and got them on just before it got too bright. 

We parked just outside the entrance so Leila wheeled us right out to the car. She wished me well we went off to get my meds from the pharmacy. I thought a Slurpee would help my throat so I told Murry I wanted one after my pills. 

My pharmacy has a walk up window so we parked near that and I wandered over and told them my name. They said it would be five mins so I walked the length of the front of their building. I felt a little loopy but not so I would fall. Murry went off to the dollar store across the parking lot and got some candy. 

When I got back to the window, there was another customer there and she was taking a while. So I sat down. I didn't care that I was in jammies and a robe. I'm not vain about being in public in imperfect condition. I don't think anyone even cared. 

So I got my meds then off for Slurpee! I stayed in the car and chatted with a 711 employee on her break. I asked her if she knew Lark, who works there and told her Lark used to work for me. She looked about 12 but said she'd been there almost three years and has a baby of her own. I think she might have mentioned her name but I don't remember it. 

Once home, Murry made me a nice bowl of chicken soup. I thought when I started it, I would only eat half, but my hunger grew and I scarfed the whole thing. A couple hours after that, Mur made me two tacos. I thought well maybe I am over doing it, but I was fine and it really felt good to eat. Later that night, I had a small bowl of cereal with my antibiotics. 

I didn't even try the pain meds. Yesterday, Tuesday, I had some pain that persisted for more than a few seconds so I took some Ibuprofen. Most of the pain up to that point was like.. being slapped on a sunburn. Not a tap or a bump.. but slapped. It usually went away as quick, and it usually happened while I was getting up or sitting down. This morning I took another couple Ibuprofen. 

I forget what medicine but one of them turned my pee a beautiful azure blue. The pre-op nurse told me this would happen and it tickled me to see it. It only lasted 24 hours, though. Then my poop had a bit of a blue hue to it. Exciting toilet time ;)

They gave me some glycerin soap so I washed off some of the beta dine around my leg. I was very careful not to get the bandages wet. Man that stuff is sticky and it took some effort to get myself clean. There's more and it's gonna be a chore to get myself washed and re bandaged today. 

So that's what happened to me this week. What's your life been like? ;) I find out sometime today or tomorrow if there are signs of spreading. I'll meet with an oncologist regardless. Might not be anything to do though. Melanoma isn't really a cancer they have "great" treatments with. They cut it off and take it out, but if they don't have anything large enough to see on a scan, there's nothing much they can do. And they're so different from person to person. It's a good sign that the tests haven't shown any masses to this point.

Thursday I am going to an exercise gym and getting on their program. I am going to take it SUPER easy. Then I have a weight loss group meeting in the evening. Lots of goings on. I'm feeling emotionally great and physically okie dokie. 

Cat Scratch Fever

My CAT scan did now show any masses considered cancerous. My surgeon wants to take out some lymph nodes near where the lump was to make sure there's no spreading of the melanoma. I'm a little annoyed to have to have major surgery, but I guess it's better to be safe than sorry. He also has to excise the wound and take more skin around where he took the lump out.

He sent me for an EKG and blood work for the surgery. I like the EKG, no sticky pokey, just tapey machinie noises. Though the blood work and pee in a cup was fine. They must train people really well, neither of them hurt at all. Come to think of it, neither did the CAT scan IV tech.

The scan did reveal an enlarged liver and a mass near my uterus. I'm set for a mammogram and a gynecological exam Friday and Monday. The mass is likely fibroid tumors. I haven't had a period in at least 2 years, I thought it was just menopause but that may be why. I'm told it would have lit up if it had been cancerous.

I know that most doctors are arrogant. Murry says they're trained that way in western medicine. I guess maybe it's the make bold decisions and stick to them and leave the doubt aside. Surgeons are known to have extra assholey arrogance too. Mine sure does. I get it and I don't really have to like him. He's competent at his work. He could be trained to at least feign compassion.

Fine, be blunt, but be confident you can help me make changes. "Lets see what we can do with where you are at NOW and then go from there to help with your overall health. " Like what would it hurt to be supportive and move off from here? I KNOW I'm fat. Treat me like it's a medical, emotional and lifestyle issue. Don't stand there and judge me "bad" because I'm not healthy.

Okay, rant over. I have confidence all this will be done and over soon. Peace.

Leave a comment, I'm feeling like I am typing in the dark. ;)

What's new PussyCAT

  Friday's post will cover the results of the CAT scan I had today. Yes, I know they don't call it CAT anymore. It's just CT, but if I gotta have a big scary test, I'm going to have some fun while being poked and prodded!
  They make you drink this weird barium crap that tastes of vanilla soy milk and toothpaste without mint. I had to do four doses every 20 minutes. Two people mentioned the word "vomit" while I was there. I almost did at the suggestion. I wanted to scream SHUT THE FUCK UP! I just forced myself to think happy thoughts.
  My kitty ears and shirt made a few people chuckle. The best part is it helped ME! Still getting all the strange comments coming out of the woodwork. Mostly on Facebook. Here's what I want form you all: kindness and funny memes. Tell me your favorite really funny show or comedian. Tell me a funny story. I KNOW you're sorry, I KNOW I'm strong. Never mind those things for a while. Laughing is good for both our health. Do that.
  Okay, so the scanner is this really big donut with a place for you to lay on in the middle. They run one scan with just the drink contrast, then they run an IV through you for an additional contrast. That feels warm, like your whole body drank hot tea. I noticed it especially on my ears.
  My scan was of my chest, abdomen and pelvis so the guy running the machine had me raise my hands. He didn't tell me his name or his title, he could be a radiology tech or a radiologist, I have no idea. I feel kind of strange about that. I suppose there were diplomas on the wall. I could have looked closer at them, but I didn't.
  So I went into the machine hands raised the mechanical voice goes "breath in and hold" while the machine whirrs and clicks for a couple of seconds and then it tells you to exhale. It kind of spits you out like you're atop a giant tongue. There's a count down on top so you know how long you have till you can let out your breath.
  The actual scan took hardly any time at all. About five minutes and I was on my way upstairs to get the biopsy stitches out.
  Though there were only three stitches, it hurt a little. My immune system apparently works a tad too well. The skin knitted nicely around the threads. She got them out and bandaged me up and on my way.
  Murry reminded me, the tests are just for information. I like knowing stuff so that kept me mostly calm. I see the surgeon tomrrow afternoon.
  Oh, and have I mentioned yet.. FUCK CANCER!

I'll let you know what's up Friday.

Cats in the Cradle

I found out yesterday I have cancer. Remember when I said a few months ago that I have fear? Yeah, I get it's normal to be fearful of some big bad disease boogie man. Kind hearted people keep telling me how strong I am and how I can beat this. Not to discount those things, but I am tired of having to be strong and brave about shit.

That's what this is, it's a pile of shit. Our business closed a few months ago, leaving us in shitty financial shape, I get cancer and we also heard the Big Box Store Murry works at is closing soon. It's all a raw arsed deal and fucking shitty. I am strong and I will handle, it would just be nice to not have to.

What confounds me deeply is the kind of cancer I have. I have albinism which means I don't have much of the brown pigment called melanin. The doctor said the cancer is melanoma. So the few cells of the stuff I mostly don't have, decided they were lonely and were gonna make me sick. They want to go off and become part of something else. Great. Little bastards.

My research revealed something interesting. Albinism means the melanocytes (the cells that are supposed to produce melanin) don't work properly. But I have plenty of melanocytes so I can get melanoma. Fun. All the down side and none of the upside. On the other hand, if doctors found a way to modify the genetics, I could get pigment. Sorry anti GMO folks but I want to be one. 

Next Wednesday I have a CAT scan scheduled. I am preparing by seeking information and arranging to have cat ears. I figure if I am gonna be sick at least I am gonna be funny and sick. Murry has this shirt comic cats on it. One of them is smoking, another has an eye patch. Maybe I'll have him dig that up too. I know they'll ask me to take things off, but it will lighten MY mood anyway. Maybe I'll find some face paint and do up some whiskers.

As far as owing everyone and their little blue dog, we'll just have to take them a few at a time and try and sort things. I am asking for Murry's help. Before the store went bust, I tried to keep track of things. I have been falling down on that job. We don't owe anything but property taxes on our house. Those are paid until November.

Murry has a lot of merchandising experience. He should be able to get a job fairly quickly. He kept working there while we opened the store. It was a pretty good fit around what we were doing.

I have no idea what's going to happen. I think mostly it will all be fine. If we have to make major life changes, I'm content with that. I will have something to write about.

Please, I do care about you, but no comments on how strong I am or that I'll be fine or giving advice. I know that you're sorry I am going through this. Make me laugh, get my mind off it for a second. Make suggestions on how I can do things fun, happy and free. And take care of yourself.

(Sorry for the lateness of this post. For as short as it is, it took a while to write. I guess everything is very emotional right now.)

Learning to Live Brave

FAILURE! 

Big fat life eating FAILURE! That's what I feel like. A few months ago I saw Martha Beck talk about "quitting" when you realize what you're doing isn't working. She used Yoga as the metaphor. She says there's a "corpse pose" where basically you just fall down. Read what she posted here: Knowing When to Quit.

That's what happened last March with Confusion Hill Market. I went all corpse pose on it. The problems were many, varied and seemed intractable. They might have solutions that I couldn't see, but I checked out a year before. I resented Murry and I just didn't want to work so hard anymore. 

Spending three years running a market taught me valuable lessons I will carry with me always. I found friends, had wonderful conversations, learned amazing new skills and felt like part of the community. 

Carolyn came into the store asking for small boxes for the hand made pillows she sold on Ebay. We were happy to help. She came in regularly to pick up the boxes and buy our deli food. Chris and his wife Judy shared their home made wine and gave us lots of fishing pictures for the wall. Nick came by with free veggies his boss gave away. I love and miss all the fun people who shared our space. 

I learned how to use the register, credit card machine, food stamp machine and how to order product. I learned a tiny bit about fishing and what kind of fish swam outside the store. 

I did run a business for three years. When I realized there was no way to make things stabilize I stopped throwing myself at something that wasn't working. I am proud of myself for that. 

Now it's time to do things that bring me joy and happiness. I could see doing a business again, but not a market like that. I don't want to sell cigarettes and alcohol. 

Now it's your turn! What have you learned from the failures in your life?  Share as much or as little as you want. I can't wait to hear from you.