That's what this is, it's a pile of shit. Our business closed a few months ago, leaving us in shitty financial shape, I get cancer and we also heard the Big Box Store Murry works at is closing soon. It's all a raw arsed deal and fucking shitty. I am strong and I will handle, it would just be nice to not have to.
What confounds me deeply is the kind of cancer I have. I have albinism which means I don't have much of the brown pigment called melanin. The doctor said the cancer is melanoma. So the few cells of the stuff I mostly don't have, decided they were lonely and were gonna make me sick. They want to go off and become part of something else. Great. Little bastards.
My research revealed something interesting. Albinism means the melanocytes (the cells that are supposed to produce melanin) don't work properly. But I have plenty of melanocytes so I can get melanoma. Fun. All the down side and none of the upside. On the other hand, if doctors found a way to modify the genetics, I could get pigment. Sorry anti GMO folks but I want to be one.
Next Wednesday I have a CAT scan scheduled. I am preparing by seeking information and arranging to have cat ears. I figure if I am gonna be sick at least I am gonna be funny and sick. Murry has this shirt comic cats on it. One of them is smoking, another has an eye patch. Maybe I'll have him dig that up too. I know they'll ask me to take things off, but it will lighten MY mood anyway. Maybe I'll find some face paint and do up some whiskers.
As far as owing everyone and their little blue dog, we'll just have to take them a few at a time and try and sort things. I am asking for Murry's help. Before the store went bust, I tried to keep track of things. I have been falling down on that job. We don't owe anything but property taxes on our house. Those are paid until November.
Murry has a lot of merchandising experience. He should be able to get a job fairly quickly. He kept working there while we opened the store. It was a pretty good fit around what we were doing.
I have no idea what's going to happen. I think mostly it will all be fine. If we have to make major life changes, I'm content with that. I will have something to write about.
Please, I do care about you, but no comments on how strong I am or that I'll be fine or giving advice. I know that you're sorry I am going through this. Make me laugh, get my mind off it for a second. Make suggestions on how I can do things fun, happy and free. And take care of yourself.
(Sorry for the lateness of this post. For as short as it is, it took a while to write. I guess everything is very emotional right now.)
When you posted about this on facebook, I said I didn't know what to say, and I didn't. It's horrible to say the wrong thing and add to the stress someone is already having. So now that I know what you want, it's easier to respond. Thank you for being real.
ReplyDeleteIt's great that you admit that you're scared and angry and not try to hide behind platitudes or meaningless religious gunk just to create a cheerful facade. If other people need to do that, it's fine, but for you it would be nuts. If you need to melt into a blubbering puddle, then you'll do it.
The Universe has got your attention and wants to show you something. It's a good idea to be scared and alert. Truthfully, I don't know if I'm sorry you're going through this. Not that I wish it on you or anyone else. But I can't wish it away, it's a large mysterious thing, and being sorry doesn't change anything. I'm certainly sensitive to your emotional ride, and I'll be here for you in any way I can.
That's all for now. If anything I say is off the mark, then let me know. Laughing is a good idea. Maybe I can help with that.