Where the Boys Are

Hunters look for deer in the woods, where deer live. I didn't set about thinking of this, but I lucked out to find myself in groups where the male to female ration tended to be four to one. For every lady, there were at least four guys hanging around. 

My first encounter came from my first science fiction convention. I love reading the stuff so I fit right in. Being exotic, young and way under appreciated in the outside world, I felt as much drawn to these strange guys as they were to me. 

I went to parties and talked about books and TV shows that sparked my brain. I loved all the strange new people I met. I loved that adults dressed up and pretended the future was here now and they were part of it. I even loved the ones who weren't pretending. 

I looked at art and talked to the artists, I looked at novels and read short stories and chatted with the authors. Science fiction fans even have their own music, called filk, too. 

Everywhere I went, people accepted me without judgement. The computer revolution coincided with my first forays into the science fiction community. A lot of these people where doing amazing things that built silicon valley. 

I learned that you can talk to strangers much easier if you have something in common. I talked to people at parties by asking them their first science fiction book or what are they reading now. Sometimes I found great friends by asking about a costume, a badge or their hat. 

Some science fiction friends introduced me to my boyfriend Todd, I met my man friend Paul because I gave him a hard time for smoking. A year later, my other friend demanded I apologize for "insulting" him. I met a guy dressed up as Dr. Who, but it turned out he had a girlfriend. Oh, well. 

In 1983, I met my ex husband through some friends of his who were standing in a convention registration line. We all met up later at a party. Phil, my now ex, washed dishes and worked for a guy selling computers out of his apartment. His easy comedy and pocket protector geekness attracted me right away. 

He sported a light brown beard and mustache, common among science fiction fandom, and wore handmedown corduroy pants too long for him. To keep himself from tripping he rolled the cuff up on the outside. Just one roll, like a giant cloth cup. He told me he sometimes put pens in there. I chose to overlook his fashion sense. 

Soon we were inseparable  He still lived at home and I had been on my own for a year and a half. I moved down to where he lived and rented a room near him. I was going to community college  and studying chemistry and music. 

Though I wasn't looking for anyone to date, I noticed that in the chemistry class, the ratio of men to women was even higher. In some classes it was almost 10 to one. The lab assistant asked me one day if I was there to get an MRS degree. I had no idea what he was talking about until he explained that a lot of women there weren't interested in science. They just wanted to find someone to marry. I laughed and said no, I really enjoyed understanding how the world works. 

I dropped out of college and my ex and I started a computer business. He picked up a computer modem that lets you connect to other computers. We found systems that you could write messages back and forth, both in your local area and around the country. Again, I noticed most of the people doing this were male. The few of us ladies were mostly involved and married. A single lady could fill her social calendar with all kinds of dates. 

My ex and I broke up just before the Internet revolution started to take hold, but I had a ton of friends through my modem connection. I chatted with one friend who lived in Pasadena and we started dating. He did accounting for the bicycle store owned by his brother in law. He had a spare bedroom and asked me to move in. 

We broke up a couple of years later, but he asked me to keep renting the room. He said I was the best roommate he ever had. I started going back to college and taking chemistry again. I noticed the same high male to female ratio as when I was young. Being the older student, all these guys were too young for me, but a lady around their age would have a lot to choose from. 

One of the modem places I hung out started offering internet access and I started chatting with people around the world. I met women online, many of them are dear friends, but again, the male to female ratio trended high. A friend told me about a chat room where they talked about one of my favorite TV shows. I joined the Babylon 5 channel sometime in the mid 90s. 

It makes it easy that I enjoy subjects that boys enjoy. Starting with science fiction, science classes and ending with computers. There are a lot of men in sports, but I've never been that kind of a physical person. Maybe that's another great way to find someone to date. 

So ladies, if you can handle a nerdy type you might have to help dress, try out science fiction, science classes, the internet and computers. These kinds of guys also need to be taught how to pay attention to you. Though in general it seems men respond to the direct approach, these kinds of guys appreciate it most. There's no shame in helping someone care for you. 

If I want flowers, I tell Murry to pick me up some blue irises. If I want attention, I tell him when and where. Maybe i'm a demanding control freak, or maybe I just find myself attracted to distracted men who live inside their heads. 

So where have you found your boys? How about girls? I'm a geek girl, I have no idea where women go. How do all my geek boy friends find their matches? Share your thoughts!